Almost Exactly Alike

A couple days ago I got an invitation to a baby shower for our friend Leslie Blanchard. I taped the invitation to the back door so that I would be reminded of the upcoming shower each morning when I leave.

This morning while Jackson was waiting at the back door for me, he said, "I just can't believe that Drew and Leslie are having a baby."

When I asked him why he couldn't believe it he told me this (I'll try my best to remember word for word):

Well, then the Blanchards are going to be almost exactly like the Standifers. You know, both of the dads are teachers at Clovis High. Both of the "housewives" have other jobs and take care of all the bills and the check writing. And both families will have a son.

Almost exactly... *********************************************************************************** A while back Jackson was playing the Wii. He was playing WipeOut the video game and he said to Lou as he passed by:

Jackson: Dad, there is this character on here who is almost exactly like me EXCEPT that he is older and African American.

Lou: How is that alomst exactly like you, Jackson?

Jackson: Well, it says "Most likely to succeed" by this player, and that is like me...right?

Almost Exactly....

Miss you Gram...

Today was Gram's funeral. It was sweet. I wish I would have gotten up to say something for two reasons...1. I wish I could have seen all the people there to celebrate her. I know that place was packed. 2. I told myself I was going to if there was an opportunity. There was an opportunity, but I don't know what happened. I got nervous. I started crying right at that moment just thinking of what I would say, and I didn't do it. Gram, I hope I can be just like you. I have always wanted to be like you, but after seeing how many people's lives you touched over the years, it makes me even more proud to be your granddaughter. It was so sweet to see people at your service today who I know traveled many miles to be there just to pay tribute to a beautiful lady that changed their life in some way. It was neat to see people there who only knew you as the grandmother of one of their dear friends.

I loved how you made each person who knew you feel special in their own way. I wish more than ever that I can be the kind of person that you were to so so many people.

I have so many sweet memories with you. I will forever cherish each one.

Love you Grammy. Look in on us from time to time...You're always welcome at the Standifer home. Xoxoxox

I Refuse

Rarely do I find songs that I want to post on here, but today this song came on the radio, and even though I know I have heard it a bunch of times...I never really listened to it.

I actually needed to hear this song today...Funny how that always works out.

I Refuse (Josh Wilson)

Sometimes I, I just want to close my eyes

And act like everyone's alright

When I know they're not

This world needs God, but it's easier to stand and watch

I could pray a prayer and just move on

Like nothing's wrong

But I Refuse

I don't want to live like I don't care

I don't want to say another empty prayer

Oh, I refuse to sit around and wait for someone else

To do what God has called me to do myself

I could choose not to move

But I refuse

I can hear the least of these, crying out so desperately

And I know we are the hands and feet of You, oh God

So if You say move, it's time for me to follow through

And do what I was made to do

And show them who You are

I don't want to live like I don't care

I don't want to say another empty prayer

Oh, I refuse to sit around and wait for someone else

To do what God has called me to do myself

I could choose not to move

But I refuse

I refuse to stand and watch the weary and lost cry out for help

I refuse to turn my back and try and act like all is well

I refuse to stay unchanged, to wait another day to die to myself

I refuse to make one more excuse

I don't want to live like I don't care

I don't want to say another empty prayer

Oh, I refuse to sit around and wait for someone else

To do what God has called me to do myself

I could choose not to move

But I refuse

Remembering Gram

• 
  

***Gail Peters***

• Grammy, I remember sitting on your lap as a little girl while you got your hair done in Janey's salon.

I remember taking baths in your jacuzzi tub with my cousins and lots of bubbles.

• I remember you filling that giant green plastic bowl full of popcorn (not microwave popcorn either, homemade popcorn with butter and salt) and making us a bed on the floor in the living room so we could all sleep together. Sometimes you even got in it with us so we would stop talking and go to sleep.

• I remember being a little girl and my mom and I were at your house. My mom was getting ready to go back to Atascadero, where we lived, and you were going to be coming over the next day to stay with us for some reason. I was crying because I didn't want to leave you. Mom said I could stay and come with you the next day, but I didn't want her to leave either.

I remember you coming to take care of us in Atascadero when my mom had Brittany and Bobby.

I remember going school shopping at the end of each summer and doing a fashion show when we got home. Sometimes you told us to leave some of the bags in the car until Grandpa fell asleep so he wouldn't know how much money we spent.

I remember, during my summer vacations, going to work with you at the office. I remember watching you with your adding machine and thinking that I never saw anyone add numbers as fast as you could. It's funny that now that I have my own adding machine, I don't think I can run numbers as fast as you did.

I remember our fun cruise that we went on when I was 10. I was scared to ride some of the rides at Disney World, but you were so brave and you went with Jill on every ride, even though I know you were scared too.

I remember how beautifully I thought you sang. I would tell everyone that you sang as good as Ann Murry. And you did.

I remember when you got that big blue/silver mercedes and I thought you had the fanciest car...the butt warmers and the moving seats.

I remember one night when I was 12 or 13, my mom had to work late and I was home with Brit and Bob and I was scared. They were both in bed, but I wasn't. I called you and we laid on the couch talking to each other and watching the Home Shopping Network until mom came home.

I remember going shopping with you and Jill on Rodeo Drive. I remember you taking us to Neiman Marcus. I thought it was so fancy. It was so fancy.

I remember going to auctions with you throughout the years and watching you bid on all kinds of antiques.

I remember having my first job in your office and you teaching me how to reconcile the bank statements (by hand). We would write all the outstanding checks down and we would use the column pads. You were my first accounting teacher...It's neat that I chose to do that for a living. All of my bosses are always inpressed when they find out how much work I can do by hand.

I remember you sent me and Luna to Hawaii for my graduation. We had a lot of fun...I don't think I ever told you and grandpa how special that was for me.

I remember living with you and Grandpa while I was in my twenties. What a special time that was for me. I remember curling up on the couch on Monday nights to watch the Bachelor. We watched Trista's season together...religously.

I remember trying to do Weight Watchers together and you would never eat all your points and you would get so frustrated because you were not losing.

I remember when I introduced you to Lou, and how special you made him feel.

I remember you showing me the rings you had set aside and getting excited with you over the thought of me getting engaged to Lou. I feel blessed to have one of your rings as my engagement/wedding ring.

I remember planning my wedding with you. How you helped us so much to be able to have such a sweet, beautiful wedding.

I remember the night before my wedding you gave me a beautiful bracelet that belonged to you. I wore it on my wedding day. I still have the card you gave me with that bracelet tucked into the box.

I remember you making sure we had such a fun time on our honeymoon...Thank you for that Gram...it was special.

I remember you coming to see us in our first little house that we moved into about a year after we got married. It wasn't much, but you made me feel like it was a cute little home.

I remember you being one of my biggest cheerleaders through our fertility struggle. I would call you after each appointment to tell you what the doctor said. I remember being so excited to tell you when we finally got pregnant and feeling so sad for you when we lost that pregnancy.

I remember you bringing me potato salad (my favorite) and chicken and cherries after I came home from the hospital after I had my ectopic pregnancy removed.

I am so sorry that you never got to see me pregnant. I remember thinking how happy it would make me if you came and helped me after I had a baby (just like you did when I was a little girl for my mom). I know that you were not always happy when Lou and I decided to take a break from all the infertility treatments; I hope you know...we are still hopeful.

Gram, I love you. I know that there are so many more memories I have with you. Funny ones, silly ones, serious ones, so many...I feel so lucky to have you for my grandma. I am glad that you are not suffering anymore with that nasty cancer. I am sorry there was nothing we could do to take that away.

You will forever be a light in my life, and the sweetest spot in my heart.

I love you,

Shannon Gail

Update: Life in the Standifer Home

I don't have a good excuse for my lack of posts...I feel terrible for letting so much go by undocumented. I thought instead of try to post one post at a time and try to fill in what I haven't posted I would just do one big update.

Jackson is having a great year...He played indoor soccer this winter and really enjoyed it. We got into it too, and I know Lou was sad to see the league end. But baseball season has already started and Jackson has started practicing with his team, the Angels. I haven't made it to a practice yet, but Lou tells me that Jackson has already excelled at a few of the different positions.

Jackson is doing great in school. He has joined the chess club and has been recommened to participate in Exceptionally Capable Learners (ECL) program. This is basically the GATE program for 1st through 3rd grade students. (Brittany, doesn't this make you proud?). He stays after school on Thursday's for ECL and on Wednesday's for Chess club. Truthfully, he's one busy kid these days between those two things and his baseball. He is doing well though so we keep encouraging it.

Lou's speech and debate season is winding down. It usually does towards the spring. He is still coaching after school and he has a few tournaments coming up, but he has a lot fewer weekend commitments during this time of year. We are planning a yard sale in April to help his team raise money...We are asking the kids to bring in items to be sold at the yard sale and all proceeds will go to the team.

Lou is enjoying music again and singing for a new band, Soul Kitchen. I am feeling lucky because they practice in our home right now so I get to hear them each week. They are already so so good. I just can't wait for them to have their first gig.

Lou recently bought a recumbent bicycle and is slowing getting back on the bike after a long hiatis. I am proud of him for getting back into it...He loves being on the bike so much. His back has recovered slowly, but we say all he time how much better he's gotten. He really has.

I just finished my first year with Chris. Last March I started working for Chris as the controller for all three of his companies, 1430 ESPN Radio/790 ESPN the Deuce/HiS Magazine (that's really only one company), A Plus Signs, & Mega-Prints. It has been the busiest job I have ever had, but truthfully...I LOVE it! One day a week I am over at the station and the rest of the week I am in my office at the sign companies. I really like everyone that I work with...especially Chris and Stacy...they have a sweet family.

I am still doing a few sets of books on the side, but I am lucky that my schedule is flexible and I am able to find the time to juggle it all.

This probably belongs on my fertility blog, but I haven't kept that up either...I started seeing a grief counselor not too long ago and I can honestly say it is the best thing I have ever done. I won't get into all of the specifics (at least not here), but I feel so much happier than I have in a long time. I'll leave it at that.

One reason I have not blogged through the holidays is because, even though we have had some sweet, good things happen to us, we've also been dealing with some extremely sad news. My grandma was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in early December. As soon as she started treatment for it her health declined rapidly. Sadly, she passed away yesterday morning. I feel lucky that I have been so close to her, and that we had a sweet holiday season with her. Even though it was so difficult to see her in such pain, some of my most tender moments were shared with her during the last few months.

I'm moving slowly this morning. My heart hurts today, and truthfully, I'd love to crawl back into bed and sleep all day, but I know I need to get moving. On we go...